THE BACKSTORY

Alarm goes off at 5:00AM. Snooze it twice to 5:20. Roll out of bed. Brush teeth. Throw on jeans and a polo. Let the dog out. Start the espresso machine. Check the clock: 5:31. Feed the dog. Make a coffee. Throw together a lunch of leftovers and snacks. 5:36. Lace up the steel toe boots. Throw on my jacket. Grab my bag. Avoid spilling coffee while bringing everything to the car. Check the clock 5:42. Two minutes behind schedule, that’s good for me. I’ll make it up on the road. Head onto the one hour and ten minute drive to Denver. Park the car. 6:53. Run into the office to make the morning stretches with the project team at 7:00. Then work ten or eleven hours and head back – getting home around 7:00 PM. 

I know from the long haired, shirtless photo it’s hard to believe but that was my routine for fourteen months while building the Mission Ballroom music venue. The two years before that, I was on one of the fastest paced construction projects in the country (Canvas Stadium). It was a grueling lifestyle of perpetual mania, never feeling grounded, just in a ‘Get It Done’ stasis. Input caffeine, pressure, deadlines. Output lots of work and lots of frustration. My spiritual compass started to spin and questions whirled. 

Was this normal? Was this how working life is? I can’t hardly get in to see the dentist, how in the hell am I supposed to live life and work like this?

The fact is, I put my head down after college and followed the career path. Promotions acted as cairns, reassuring me that I was where I should be. The pay and prestige justified the hours and stress until one of those markers did not appear on the horizon. It forced me to take the time to look up and evaluate things. What I saw was no longer meadows of flowers, it was getting into a very dry pine forest, starved of life supporting water. One spark and my entire being could go up in flame and smoke.

 

I realized this over a beer with a former colleague. I was telling him of my lack of balance with work and said, “I just got married in July and… I don’t want to fuck that up.” With those short few words, I scared the shit out of myself. Saying things out loud and actually hearing your own voice is extremely powerful. It was a wake up call that my lifestyle was so intense that I was genuinely terrified of losing the most important thing in my young life. I had almost no ability – up to that point – to build a strong marriage. The job, the people and the politics had invaded all my conversations, even my dreams. I found myself getting easily angered at unimportant things. My patience had become razor thin and I didn’t like those parts of myself.

Saying things out loud and actually hearing your own voice is extremely powerful.

“Start tracking how many good and bad days you have every week.” Kayla advised. 

I took her advice and starting reflecting on each day and my interactions and feelings. Three weeks later, I’d found I had about two good days and three bad days in the average week.

I loved some of the days. Building a unique project with motivated colleagues and friends is such an awesome and rewarding thing to be a part of. My dream late in high school was to be involved with the marquee projects of Denver, I had achieved that by working on the DIA Westin Hotel and Transit Center, the CSU Stadium and the Mission Ballroom. Great people in the industry have this rare combination of expertise, practicality and personality. The older, established characters around a jobsite are straight out of reality TV. Many of them are larger than life personifications of the American dream. Men and women who worked their way up from the bottom rung to manage crews, run jobs, lead companies and tell their stories. Bombastic, opinionated, smart, shrewd and charming, these people do not align to the current PC world, which is oddly refreshing and frequently hilarious. It’s also rewarding to be able to coordinate and balance so many different personalities in the common goal of building a project together. The interdependence between parties is difficult to manage but when it works well and good work is going in place safely and efficiently, the feeling of accomplishment is intoxicating.

Opportunities I’d wanted for years, started to materialize.

This environment also allowed me to pursue my passion of language. My spoken Spanish was the best it ever was and I was respected because of it. I connected with the majority of the personnel onsite because I was the ‘crazy gringo with a ponytail’ or ‘wuero banderas’ (White Antonio Banderas). The owners were happy with the progress too and I was trusted to manage scopes on my own. I had a grasp on the building, the project and the schedule. A construction site is also an amazing testing and proving ground for leadership. The feedback loop is daily and you can quickly answer the questions: Were you able to accomplish what you set out to do? Do the subcontractors believe in your plan and direction? Being able to answer yes to these questions a few times, is a great feeling. Opportunities I’d wanted for years, started to materialize.

The flip side though, was exactly the opposite. Being held responsible for aggressive schedules when you are dependent on some people who are content to play the victim card or revert to laziness is extremely frustrating. The situation forced me to do several peoples’ jobs so that the project was successful. It was challenging, taxing and thankless. I found if I didn’t have enough energy – an incomplete nights’ sleep, a tough workout the day prior or feeling under the weather – it made the days impossible to conquer. We only have so much energy and force in a given day, changing the inertia of bad days and motivating folks requires a great deal of it. 

I was running myself into the ground using stress as fuel. I was drained and burnt out. 

I woke up to the fact that I was all consumed. I spent the the vast majority of my emotional energy on relationships at work and was running on empty when I got home. Work had transformed into the most demanding of mistresses, I couldn’t say ‘No’. I wasn’t carving out time to feed my various interests and passions outside of work. My creativity and athleticism were fallowing in unemployment. I became aware that my personality was both addictive and susceptible to the pressure to succeed. I took things personally as if everything were a jab at me. I was running myself into the ground using stress as fuel. I was drained and burnt out. 

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THE DECISION

One weekend in October, I took off a Friday and headed to Colorado Springs to hang out with a group of childhood friends. We’d booked an AirBNB and dedicated the long weekend to discussing business ideas, personal goals and how to achieve them. It was the first time we had organized this type of weekend and we were all excited. Shortly after having breakfast with guys I’d known since kindergarten, my phone started buzzing. It was work call and I ignored it. Then I  got a text message. There was a very serious incident onsite and all I had received was a photo. 

‘Jesus!’ I thought to myself.

“Is everyone OK?!” I texted back. 

“No one was hurt.” I receive. 

My mind back onsite, I was relieved to know our guys are OK.

Then I thought to myself, ‘This is so fucked up. I’m supposed to be off work. What am I supposed to do from here? My day is now filled with guilt for not being onsite. This is not healthy.‘ 

This is not healthy.

‘I need to be present.’  I said to myself after a few deep breaths. I turned off my phone.

The weekend continued. Hanging with friends with a dedicated aim and purpose is so constructive. We shared our hopes and dreams, our fears and struggles. When expressing my dreams of traveling and building a community through content, I realized I had something. I had a ‘What?’ – intentional travel and international education. I had a ‘Why?’ – because its important to expand your perspective through conversation and travel. I also had a How? – rebuild my website I had started in college and dedicate myself to trying to make it a viable income stream. Hearing the desires of my friends to start something but not knowing what they wanted to start made me realize that knowing what you want to do is so rare. Driving home from the weekend, I knew that A – my current situation was unhealthy and unsustainable and B – that I wanted to go all in on a different dream.

Back at work on Monday, I heard more about the incident that occurred on Friday. Thankful that no one was injured, I also felt grateful for the past weekend spent with my friends who know me best. That night was also exciting because a friend who recently left our company and moved to Sierre Leone was back in town. We prepared a home cooked meal and caught up. The focus of the conversation was about Africa and our buddy’s impressions of leaving the company, uprooting his life and working for a health care non-profit thousands of miles away.

“How much do you miss it?” We asked him, referring to the commercial construction lifestyle. 

“Zero percent.” He confidently replied.

He told us about his perception of time adjusting to the slow African pace, of getting to play basketball three times a week with his African mates and of feeling that he had more purpose with his current work. His life was full, exciting and balanced. In that instant, my decision was made.

In that instant, my decision was made.

The next morning I told my boss I was leaving the company. I’d leave my job after the holidays, about three months out. This timing would allow me to finish most of the items I was managing and allow for the company to make a plan to replace me. I didn’t want to leave the project in a bad time or in a bad position. I wanted to make it a clean break – if that was possible. The timing would also qualify me for an annual bonus, would allow time to get some things in order and allow my wife and I to meet our savings goal. 

I went to breakfast with my boss a few days after breaking the news. 

Not one for small talk he cut to the chase, “Is this a snap decision?” 

“No. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.” I answered.

“Then what are you going to do next?”

“I don’t know.” I replied as I smiled widely. 

He furthered the line of questioning, searching for a crack in the armor. “Upper management will propose all sorts of things to try to make you stay, you know. Are you committed to this?”

“I’m not looking for more money. Can you relay that to them?” Asking a favor of him. 

“It’s about changing my lifestyle.” 

The conversation continued and turned out to be very constructive and positive. I walked across the street under a gray October sky and busted out laughing. I was leaving my job, I didn’t know what I was going to do and it was one of the best feelings in the world. I was elated, I had my life back.

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THE AFTER

Making these types of life changing decisions is a process, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. My process started with the feelings of not being grounded and Kayla’s advice to track the good days and bad days. It coursed through to weighing the benefits and costs of leaving and realizing the unknown seemed much better at this juncture in life. I’ve come to find that the nature of the process and being present through it is the most enjoyable aspect in the journey. It will also be different for everyone, that is the magic of it. 

I told my family my big news. They were excited for Kayla and I. One of my brothers said, “Man that’s awesome. I’m so proud of you. That’s so risky!”

I laughed it off over the phone but that comment dominated my conscious for a couple days.

“How risky is it?” I asked myself.

Climbing the corporate ladder, getting more opportunities to build landmark buildings and having sound financial footing were at risk I left. On the contrary, I risked building a strong marriage and family, pursuing my dreams outside of construction and getting healthy mentally and physically if I stayed.

It’s riskier to stay than it is to go.

“It’s riskier to stay than it is to go.” I concluded after revealing so much with a little introspection. I’d much rather risk a promotion and bigger paycheck than lose my family and dreams. Plus, we’re young, construction will always be around if things don’t pan out.

As I continued down the path to leave, the word spread around the company. I had great conversations with the company’s leadership. They were disappointed to lose me, which was vindicating in its own right, but they were happy for me and appreciated the straight forward, well thought out manner of the exit. Most were envious of the youth and courage it took to make the decision. I wondered if they wished they would have done the same. 

By the time the holiday party came around, just a week before my exit, my wife and I had chosen our Plan A. Kayla would also leave her job, a month after me. She would apply for and hopefully get a job on the Semester at Sea Voyage in the fall. The eight months between quitting and starting the voyage around the world, would be filled with renovating our townhouse, renting it out and traveling. It was a major leap of faith we hoped we’d be rewarded for taking.

“That sounds awesome but what are the chances this works out?” People asked skeptically. Our proposal must have sounded like a pipe dream. 

“Do you have a Plan B?” Others asked. 

These questions and the manner in which they were asked sparked internal doubt.

What if it didn’t work out? Would we have to revert to our old jobs? How embarrassing that would be I thought.

It also sank in that we were mere days from going from being cash rich and time poor, to exactly the opposite. 

‘Are we ready for that? Did we spend enough time budgeting? Can we make it stretch out financially?’  

Those questions are scary and nerve wracking but the feelings they bring to the surface are incredible gifts.

Those questions are scary and nerve wracking but the feelings they bring to the surface are incredible gifts. They force us to dig deeper, question our core values and provide opportunities to exemplify the people we want to be.

“We have to have faith. Everything will work out in one way or another.” Kayla said to me reassuringly.

“We are better prepared to do this than almost anyone. It’ll be an adventure.” I replied back quelling the doubt in the process. The power of making the decision as a couple cannot be understated. To counterbalance one another through the inevitable wavering that comes when wanting to jump ship was critical. 

I left the project’s office for the final time at 7:30 PM on a Friday night in January. I tried to tighten up all the loose ends but I knew some remained. As I locked the gate, I smiled in a tired daze. What a fitting metaphor to close one chapter of my life. Thankfully, I know the code if I ever need to get back in! I had given it my all but having finally taken the time to look up, the career path was no longer the right one. I realized that the markers of promotions and raises no longer appeared as clear indications of being on the right trail. Now, hundreds of possible futures extended outwards. The exhilaration of living with and owning my decisions, of not knowing the next step, filled me with nervous excitement. 

I was alive once again. 

 

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Do you have a story of looking up from your career path and changing course? Of self-reflecting and realizing some risks are worth taking? Please share your story to your social media and use #lookup and #beamanoftheworld or #beawomanoftheworld so we can follow along! 

I am very excited to announce that Plan A did indeed work out. Both Kayla and I got jobs on the Semester at Sea Voyage – Fall 2019. We will depart from Germany in September and return to San Diego, California in December after sailing to 11 different countries. Even if Plan A had not worked out, I’d still be proud of the decision to leave and would do it again.